Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Had High Hopes!

Today we went to the endocrinologist. What am I saying? I'm not even going to hit delete so yall can know how fried my brain is right now. We did not go to the endocrinologist today. That was two weeks ago, the day before Kevin's surgery; I took Candie to her check up there.

No, TODAY we went to the HEMAtologist.

So many ologists. I'm a MOMologist. That's a doctor who is also a mom. The best kind of ologist, dontcha think? ;)

Anyway, I had really high hopes today. We ALL did.

"He'll get used to it"

That's what I keep hearing about this shot business. I'll get used to it, he'll get used to it. I must be Queen Wimp. Rob must be King Wimp. And our children must be the princes and princesses of Wimp. Because we are NOT getting used to this. (I know it's only been five days but it feels like five years. Believe me.) It is awful to do this twice a day. Inevitably at least one other child besides Kevin, and at least one other parent ends up in a puddle.

So we had high hopes today. Rob went with me to this appointment for Kevin. (So did five children) We expected him to get blood work done to test his levels. We prayed God would give the doctors unmistakable wisdom, and that He would give us grace to accept what the doctor recommended. We hoped the doctor would say "No more tummy shots."

Oh, how we hoped.

The blood work was done (one stick, thank you Lord!). She even ordered an ultrasound to see if the blood clot had lessened. We hiked up one flight of stairs in Children's Hospital to radiology. (I have to mention here that I blew out a flip flop--my recently- remembered- I-had -them-pair and decided to dig them out and wear them everyday because I forgot I had them and they're now my new favorite pair. Until today when I blew one out and had to clip clop half cocked around the hospital with a broken flip flop. I'm sad about my flip flop but wow did it ever provide some laughter!)

Back to radiology (in my broken flip flop). After the 20 minute screaming ultrasound, the radiologist (another ologist) came in to double check things...

because....

well....

they didn't SEE A BLOOD CLOT!!!!!!

What? We were told sometimes it takes months for these to dissipate! No blood clot? They checked again (through continued screaming). Nope. Nada. Nil. GONE.

Hip hip hooray!!!!!!!

So we (I) stumbled down the stairs (because did I mention I broke my flip flop?) to see the hematologist again. Oh the hope! We waited on her to come in to our exam room one more time. (meanwhile I'm watching the clock as we're going on a three hour appointment and my girls' dance classes are quickly approaching)

She walked in with such encouragement that the blood clot was no more!

BUT.

BUT.

BUT.

They still want us to do tummy shots. For THREE MORE MONTHS.




Before this appointment, I bragged to my children. I said "If yall feel the ground shake around 1 p.m., that's just your momma puttin' her foot down at the doctor's office. I'm gonna tell those people we can NOT do those tummy shots anymore! Just wait!"

Humph. Famous last words. Me puttin' my foot down consisted of bursting into tears. Yeah, how brave and strong I am!

And do you want to know the real struggle?

It's my struggle with God. If this is His will, I don't like it. I don't want it. And that hurts, because I love Him and I want to accept His will. I know He knows what's best. I know that. As I pulled out of the parking deck (Rob and I were in separate cars) I just cried out to Him and said "God, I trust you, but I'm MAD!"

Hmmmm...how can I trust Him and be mad? I cannot. I either trust Him or I don't. So I choose to trust Him. And thank Him for forgiving me for my pity party for Kevin and ultimately my pity party for myself.

We have so much to be thankful for. SO MUCH. It could be a lot worse for our little guy, I realize that.

So as we walk this road, yet again God is working on my heart. Refining.

As a Momologist, the tummy shots just don't feel right. But as a daughter of the King, I will reside in His sovereignty.

And Rob and I both still hold out hope that maybe, just maybe, it won't be three long months. If it is, you are invited to the "last shot" party. It's going to be a big one.

26 comments:

Kristi said...

Ouch! I was getting so pumped up as I read the no blood clot part. Thinking that the title was just a teaser. Praying that it would finish with "and my hopes came true."
Now I guess I know why you guys were on my mind today and why I felt compelled to pray for you as I fixed dinner tonight.
I'll help you plan for the "last shot party." Heck, I'll even make the drive down from NC to celebrate it with you all.
Love and LOTS of prayers coming your way!
Kristi and the rest of the M five

Aimee said...

Mmmm...God's sovereignty...what a sweet place to hang out.


I am praying those shots come to an end real soon! Girl. I am so squeamish...I don't think I could ever do that...but I should never say never. You do what you gotta go.

Praise the Lord for the good report on the blood clot!!

living4him5 said...

PRAISE GOD for NO blood clot!!! Hang in there with the shots...I have a feeling it will be less than 3 months!

Hang in there, praying everyday!

Much love,
Amy

Ps... Yesterday we got our LOA after 38 days! I am still in shock!

Rebekah said...

What good news about the blood clot! Praise the Lord!

I am so sad with you about the shots. I do hope they will end so much sooner than 3 months. How awful!

What a good God we have to trust. He loves you and is so for you! What a testimony He is building for His glory!

Waitingfaithfully said...

Laine and all,

Praising the Lord for the blood clot's disappearance! Asking Him for such improvement that the shots would not have to last for three months.

I'm sure that you did your best to "put your foot down"--we'll blame the broken flip-flop that it didn't quite go as planned. It's hard to shake the ground in a flip flop-let alone one that is blown O-U-T!

Praying for the Lord to hold you and Rob, and sweet Kevin, closely through every single shot. He is faithful. Remember, you are a Momologist working under the power of the Most High King--you can do this, with HIS strength!

Love you,

Tina

Sherri said...

I'm with Aimee. You do whatcha gotta do. I pray they don't have to last 3 months.

At least he's not diabetic. That would be multiple shots a day.

nikimac said...

Just sending you a BIG HUG!!!!!!!

Mama Hen said...

Laine, I just want to hug you. I cannot even imagine the emotions you must have about all this. I hate that Kevin (and you) are having to go through this, but oh, what a story you will have.

The Princess's Mommy said...

Oh Laine! I am so sorry about the shots, but so HAPPY that the clot is gone!! That's huge!! whoo-hoo! I know it is so hard for you to give those shots, but with every one, just keep thinking...this is working, praise the Lord!!!

Maybe you could try making shot time "fun"....like a special treat for Kevin or a new book or a new toy and maybe some new flip-flops for you or some Dove chocolate...just something that would take the dread away just a little. Just a thought....

And one more thing...if you ever have a day that you just need a break from the shots, please call me! LM and I can be on the road and down there in an hour or so and I will be glad to give him his shot. Really. I mean it!

Just hang in there! Look how far you have come already!

Love you,
Monica

Ashley said...

Thank you so much for your honest about it being hard to accept God's will. I struggle with that too.
I am so sorry Kevin is having to endure so much. I am sorry that you are called to do something so absolutely heart wrenching 2x's a day. He is so going to honor your honesty, your obedience and your faith and trust IN him. There have been many miracles in Kevin's life - I think we will keep seeing them. Praises the blood clot is GONE!!!Hugs - Much love, ashley

Lucky Mama said...

Hi I linked to your blog from new day foster home. I wanted to let you know that my DS was on lovenox for just over a year. Two injections a day. I didn't like it at all but...... it did get easier. I also found out that there is a VERY high concentration of lovenox. The concentration was almost 10 times what I was getting. It made the injections so much better we could use a smaller needle, and the dosage hurt less because it was small. Can you talk to your pharmacist about checking on a higher concentration. Also those bruises. My baby had bruises for a full year after we took him off the lovenox. If you have any questions feel free to email me at wowluckymama at gmail dot com. I would love to chat as a mommy who has BTDT.

Mike and Barb said...

It WILL get easier. It just HAS to! Just hang in there my friend! We're praying....
Barb

Jennifer Taylor said...

Laine, I am so excited that his blood clot is gone! Like everyone else, so sad that he has to get shots for so long...I can't imagine how painful it must be for all of you. Hang in there and know that we are sending prayers & love from Arkansas!

TanyaLea said...

Oh Laine~ I know how 'bitter-sweet' this day was for you and Rob. More SWEET than anything, learning that God DISSOLVED the blood clot! But still a little bitter on the 'shot' end of it all. I'm praying for you, dear friend. Praying that 3mos is just a word that the non-momologists will be taking back soon! And when that last shot is given, I want to be part of the party, too. Even if I can't make the drive from Minnesota, I will send the balloons!! ;) Balloons make everyone happy, right!?! Oh what a sweet day that will be!

Hang in there, sweet friend! Here you are, reaching out to me last night. Offering for me to call you and asking ME what YOU can do to help?! Really!? You are an AMAZING friend, Laine! Goodness, I feel silly and selfish. You have SO much more going on than we do. This puts our situation (which is simply monetary) into perspective real quick. I'm sorry. I needed to read this today. To remember what is the MOST important. And that is PEOPLE.

God has used you in my life in big ways already, and you are such a gift! I'm sorry for what you are going through. I love that you are still surrendering to God despite your most human feelings of "mad" for what you are going though. God understands your feelings. He even understands being mad. It's how we handle it that matters. And your surrender to Him despite it all, is beautiful to see. He will reward that, I KNOW it! And in the mist of it all, you always still find a way to focus on the positive and keep your amazing sense of humor (flip-flops!...SO FUNNY!!) You are a GREAT walking example to your children (and to all of us!) and they are so blessed to have you and Rob as their parents!

We're pray'in for ALL of you... this is a family thing and I know it affects each of you.

Love and Hugs,
~ Tanya

Linda said...

Maybe I'm wrong, Laine, but I DO think you can completely trust God and still be mad. Not at HIM - but at our sinful world that has caused bad things to happen to sweet little kiddos. I especially went through this when we lost Ben. I really DID trust God because without Him, I have nowhere to turn, BUT I was angry and very, very sad. I did not want (and STILL do not want) to wait until heaven for things to be right. I don't think God is disappointed with you for wanting the best for Kevin. I hope I am not being heretical (sp?), but I don't think so. I will pray that somehow this gets a little easier and that the time passes quickly. Many blessings to you and especially to poor Dr. Rob, the shot giver!

Alycia said...

Oh Laine,

i'm crying for you right now. i know that giving Kevin his tummy shots must tear you up inside. All i can say is, just ask Jesus to give you the strength you need to get it done. We will continue to pray for you and Rob, and Kevin too.
We love you all!
Hang in there.
We're cheering for ya!
love,
Alycia etc

KCCCKQCK's DAD said...

Just for the record... Dr. Rob is not giving the shots. Kevin doesn't wake up until after I leave every morning so Laine has had to be the momologist shot giver.

MichelleQ said...

You had me all smiling and laughing making up a little Jimmy Buffet song about "blew out my flip flop, but no more blood clot!" until I read and saw that you guys have three more months. Oh I'm crying with you. I can't imagine and I wish I could just hug you right now or be the meanie that comes and gives him the shots so you don't have to be. Poor little guy, poor mommy. But I agree with Linda, I think God thinks it's okay for us to be mad--it's a human emotion that He gave us. And you aren't mad at Him--you're mad at the situation. You can do that and still press on. I am praying for you as always and loving you!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh poo! I kept praying "no more shots......no more shots"! I wish I was right next to you......I would give you the biggest.....tightest......Texas hug you have ever received!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be praying about the last shot party too:) Know that I love you and my Mommy heart is hurting right along with yours.

Wife of the Pres. said...

Please forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds … but could you get a 2nd opinion???

As for falling apart in a puddle, hmm … btdt. As for putting my foot down with various "ologists" btdt too. :)

I don't know what the answer is, but if I were you I'd be getting another opinion. Could you call the radiologist and speak with him/her in more detail? As his/her opinion and share this with another doctor?

I don't know the ins and outs of Kevin's specifics obviously, but this does seem like a very conservative approach from my totally uneducated "momologist" opinion.

{{{HEART HUGS}}}}

P.S. If you want another opinion not too far from home and need a place to land near Vanderbilt (which would be my rec. b/c they've taken such good care of our girl), you're welcome here! We're just up the road and your crew (any or all) is welcome too!

The Collier Bunch said...

We are praying for all of you. So sorry that you are going through this. Know that God is walking with you every step of the way. Let us know if you need anything.

smallseven said...

Praying it won't be 3 mths. with you! Grace in the meantime, and unhindered bonding despite them! Again, I love your honesty, Laine, we are SO often in the same place with the Lord, girl! You just don't know! Praise God for NO BLOOD CLOT!!!!! He is mighty and can do all things!

Our Journey to China said...

We are so very sorry! And we totally understand you are mad, and so does God - I promise! We love you and are beside you in prayer and spirit. We love you all and are thankful that the clot is gone and are continuing to pray for miracles for the shots to be gone too - In Jesus' Name!!! Love, The Boyd Family

Steve and Jan said...

Laine,

I read your post yesterday and wanted to write and say something inspiring or comforting and, try as I might, I had NOTHING! I had my own personal version of "Wordless Wednesday" (but without the pretty picture)!

I am still struggling to come up with something helpful to say to you guys. All I keep coming back to are God's promises. And, you know the Bible better than I do, so I don't need to list them. All I can tell you is....continue to trust God and know He keeps His promises.

God IS faithful and we have all seen Him work miracles in your lives and in the lives of your children. There is no denying that. Trust that He will use this situation and good will come from it.

I love you and pray for you all (and especially for you sweet Mama). My heart breaks thinking what you are going through.

Please ask if there is specifically something I can do for you.

Love,
Jan

Karin said...

Praising God about the blog clot but so sorry you have to continue with the shots. :( On the other hand...thankful the shots are available to keep him healthy. Big hugs!!

KT said...

did you get to meet with a child life specialist?? if not, give the hospital a call and find one. this is my background profession and this is the exact reason we are around. they can give you guidance to get through this time and do the least amount of damage to a child.