Today we went to the endocrinologist. What am I saying? I'm not even going to hit delete so yall can know how fried my brain is right now. We did not go to the endocrinologist today. That was two weeks ago, the day before Kevin's surgery; I took Candie to her check up there.
No, TODAY we went to the HEMAtologist.
So many ologists. I'm a MOMologist. That's a doctor who is also a mom. The best kind of ologist, dontcha think? ;)
Anyway, I had really high hopes today. We ALL did.
"He'll get used to it"
That's what I keep hearing about this shot business. I'll get used to it, he'll get used to it. I must be Queen Wimp. Rob must be King Wimp. And our children must be the princes and princesses of Wimp. Because we are NOT getting used to this. (I know it's only been five days but it feels like five years. Believe me.) It is awful to do this twice a day. Inevitably at least one other child besides Kevin, and at least one other parent ends up in a puddle.
So we had high hopes today. Rob went with me to this appointment for Kevin. (So did five children) We expected him to get blood work done to test his levels. We prayed God would give the doctors unmistakable wisdom, and that He would give us grace to accept what the doctor recommended. We hoped the doctor would say "No more tummy shots."
Oh, how we hoped.
The blood work was done (one stick, thank you Lord!). She even ordered an ultrasound to see if the blood clot had lessened. We hiked up one flight of stairs in Children's Hospital to radiology. (I have to mention here that I blew out a flip flop--my recently- remembered- I-had -them-pair and decided to dig them out and wear them everyday because I forgot I had them and they're now my new favorite pair. Until today when I blew one out and had to clip clop half cocked around the hospital with a broken flip flop. I'm sad about my flip flop but wow did it ever provide some laughter!)
Back to radiology (in my broken flip flop). After the 20 minute screaming ultrasound, the radiologist (another ologist) came in to double check things...
they didn't SEE A BLOOD CLOT!!!!!!
What? We were told sometimes it takes months for these to dissipate! No blood clot? They checked again (through continued screaming). Nope. Nada. Nil. GONE.
Hip hip hooray!!!!!!!
So we (I) stumbled down the stairs (because did I mention I broke my flip flop?) to see the hematologist again. Oh the hope! We waited on her to come in to our exam room one more time. (meanwhile I'm watching the clock as we're going on a three hour appointment and my girls' dance classes are quickly approaching)
She walked in with such encouragement that the blood clot was no more!
They still want us to do tummy shots. For THREE MORE MONTHS.
Before this appointment, I bragged to my children. I said "If yall feel the ground shake around 1 p.m., that's just your momma puttin' her foot down at the doctor's office. I'm gonna tell those people we can NOT do those tummy shots anymore! Just wait!"
Humph. Famous last words. Me puttin' my foot down consisted of bursting into tears. Yeah, how brave and strong I am!
And do you want to know the real struggle?
It's my struggle with God. If this is His will, I don't like it. I don't want it. And that hurts, because I love Him and I want to accept His will. I know He knows what's best. I know that. As I pulled out of the parking deck (Rob and I were in separate cars) I just cried out to Him and said "God, I trust you, but I'm MAD!"
Hmmmm...how can I trust Him and be mad? I cannot. I either trust Him or I don't. So I choose to trust Him. And thank Him for forgiving me for my pity party for Kevin and ultimately my pity party for myself.
We have so much to be thankful for. SO MUCH. It could be a lot worse for our little guy, I realize that.
So as we walk this road, yet again God is working on my heart. Refining.
As a Momologist, the tummy shots just don't feel right. But as a daughter of the King, I will reside in His sovereignty.
And Rob and I both still hold out hope that maybe, just maybe, it won't be three long months. If it is, you are invited to the "last shot" party. It's going to be a big one.